Archive for Relationships

3 Tips for Navigating the Dating World

Comments Off

1145614_romantic_coupleThe dating world can be a daunting one—rejection, crazy bad dates, overwhelming fear of never finding the right person—just to name a few issues we face. But, it is all par for the course when you are in search of the right person for you. While you may not be able to totally avoid these pitfalls, you can learn to handle them with greater ease and shift perspective on the process. Anything is possible in this life and a good relationship is no exception.

Examine Your Past Patterns

This step may not be a fun one—after all, no one likes owning up to the role we may have played in creating the problems we have in our life; but, this examination can set the stage for finding the right person for you, so well worth the effort. Everything we do provides us benefit in some way, that is why we do it. To our conscious minds, this may sound ludicrous—why would we choose to date psychos, losers and people who treat us badly? But, we are choosing it because on a deeper level, we think this is what we deserve or that it provides us something we want. Take a careful look inside yourself and your past bad relationships to see what was going on there. I promise you that you will come up with some wonderful insights that can help you in your dating quest; you will be much better in picking prospective partners and waste a lot less time. This applies to everyone, whether you are 22 or dating over 50.

Detach

Detaching from the process can be really hard, but it will do wonders for your mental health. With each new person we meet, it is easy to get all carried away, thinking this person may be the one, that this is what you have been waiting for. We get our hopes up and when it does not work out, we get super depressed and become convinced we will be alone forever. When you are out in the dating world, do your best not to get all worked up about each date and relationship. Know that there is a good match out there for you and you will find this person—maybe it is the person you are going to see on Friday night, or maybe it isn’t. When you meet new people, just relax and try to enjoy the journey—maybe it will work out or maybe it will not, either way, it is okay. We are all so different and you will meet plenty of people who are just not the best fit—nothing wrong with you or them.

The Other Person is Just as Nervous, Self-Conscious,Etc…

We all have our insecurities and issues and nothing can bring them to the forefront of our mind the way dating can. Being human isn’t easy and it is easy for us to forget that we all suffer from this same stuff, no matter how funny, rich, good-looking or successful a person may be. When you are out on your dates, remember that the other person has their stuff too and it is not just you. This can help you relax a bit and make it easier to just be yourself. So, the next time you head out to meet singles, remember they are imperfect humans just like yourself.

About the Author: Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who enjoys blogging about relationships.

Photo Credit

May 30, 2013 |  by  |  Relationships  |  Comments Off

3 Ways to Help Those Grieving a Loss

Comments Off

Grieving the loss of the people we love is inarguably one of the hardest experiences we must deal with in this life. The loss is so permanent and so life-altering; the emotions are often indescribable with words.  The magnitude of the situation can leave those supporting the grieving at a loss as to what to do or what to say; the whole situation may create a lot of discomfort for you and this is understandable. But, the people grappling with this situation need support and as people who care about them, it is up to us to try and give it the best we can. Here are some tips to support those in the grieving process.

Do Not Worry about What to Say, Just Listen Compassionately

One of the reasons that we feel such discomfort around the topic of death is because we just do not know what to say or do—what can you really? The grieving person understands this as they have probably been in your position at least once in their lives. While they probably hope that someone out there can offer some miracle words of wisdom to help them cope, the thing they want most is for someone to listen in the moments when they do talk about what happened. Acknowledge all of their feelings as valid—do not try to tell them how to feel or how they should not feel. Unless they ask you, avoid giving your own religious or spiritual take on death or the ubiquitous ‘’ It is all part of God’s plan.’’ This may anger them.

Reach Out

When we have people in our lives that are dealing with difficult situations that may be uncomfortable for us, we sometimes have the tendency to wait for them to reach out to us to see if they need anything; I think in some way, we use this rationalization to avoid reaching out first because of the discomfort that surrounds dealing with people who have recently experienced loss. But, if you truly want to help your grieving friend or family member, make an effort to reach out to them first. A simple phone call to see how they are doing or to see if they are interested in getting together can mean the world to them, even if at the moment they do not feel like doing so. Be proactive in offering assistance in practical matters, such as preparing some meals and bringing them to the house or offering to pick up the kids from school. The grieving person may feel uncomfortable asking for help or may be worried he or she is being a burden so the onus is on us to get the ball rolling.

Let Them Grieve in Their Own Way and Be Patient

Grieving is not something that operates on a specific time table, nor is the process the same for everyone.  However the person is handling it, let them handle it that way; unless they are doing something really destructive, it is not our place to say anything.  We all process our feelings and emotions differently and we often make the mistake of assuming how other people feel and why they do the things they do, but we often do not.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who has covered a range of topics; she especially enjoys writing about relationships of all kinds. Visit InTimeofSorrow.com for a selection of sympathy baskets and other items for the grieving.

Photo Credit

January 10, 2013 |  by  |  Relationships  |  Comments Off

Dating Tips for Guys

Comments Off

Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience all around. Both sides can have it tough. When it comes to the male end of things, it can be particularly nerve wracking—women can be quite picky. They are much more likely than men to spill every detail to their friends afterward. It can be tough out in the dating world and it can be hard to build confidence, but not all is lost. If you feel you need some pumping up, there are some ways that will help.

Do Not Be Intimidated by Looks

Men tend to get very nervous around very attractive women. After all, our culture highly values physical beauty and the more people possess of it, the higher the pedestal we put them on. But, no matter how beautiful that woman is, she can probably name at least 10 things she does not like about herself right off the bat without even thinking about it. She has her flaws and shortcomings just like everyone else. Being physically attractive does not equate with being a perfect human being. If you can remember that she is an imperfect mortal like everyone else and that she is more like you than you probably think now, a lot of the pressure will ease off. You will feel like more of her equal.

 Practice Makes Perfect

While some people may naturally have more confidence than others, in many ways, it is a learned skill that comes with practice. Being more confident is not about becoming some perfect person. The more you talk to women and the more you date, the more comfortable you will feel and when you feel more comfortable, confidence naturally follows. When you are out, make an effort to talk to more women; focus on ones who do not intimidate you or that you would not normally be interested in. There are no commitments necessary, you are just honing your conversation skills and working on feeling more at ease around women.

Act in Spite of Fear

One of the biggest blocks to confidence is refusing to take action in the face of fear. The thought of doing something makes us feel nervous so we do not do it. This mode of operation will thwart the growth of confidence. Remember, being confident is not about becoming some perfect person who is never afraid or never has doubts. Anytime you feel fearful when it comes to something concerning women, do it. If you see a woman and the thought of talking to her strikes fear in your heart, you know you need to go over there and start that conversation. If you are afraid to pick up that phone and call that cute girl who gave you her number last night, guess what it is you need to do?

When You Look Good, You Feel Good

How we look is not everything of course. But, when we look good, we feel good. It is okay to want to feel attractive and have nice clothes; we just do not want to become obsessed with obtaining physical perfection and poring over every perceived flaw. Looking good enhances confidence. This does not mean maxing out your credit card buying the latest trends, but rather, putting together a look that expresses your own personal style. Buy clothes that make you feel comfortable in your own skin. Pick up a nice pair of shoes. If you walk around looking like a slob or you feel self-conscious because of your clothing, you will hamper your confidence.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who enjoys giving advice on how people can become happier, more confident people. If you are looking to spruce up your wardrobe in your quest to build confidence in the dating world, check out G star fashions for men.

Photo Credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/via/

October 6, 2012 |  by  |  Relationships  |  Comments Off

Supporting Your Partner Through Substance Abuse Recovery

Comments Off

When the people close to us are having a difficult time in life, it can hurt to see them in pain. When the person is someone whose life is very intertwined with yours, such as your romantic partner, it can be especially difficult since how they are acting and feeling will have a deeper impact on your daily living and probably how you feel as well. One of the most difficult situations to deal with is helping a partner who is recovering from substance abuse—they have a long difficult road ahead of them, which means you can have a long, difficult road ahead of you as well. Here are some tips for dealing with this challenging time.

Be a Positive Example

While it is not your responsibility to totally change yourself and become a saint to be emulated, doing your best to be a good example can help your partner and will ultimately help you too. The habits of our partners are particularly likely to rub off on us and if you are taking good care of your mind and body by doing things like exercising and eating right, it will be much easier for your partner to follow those healthy examples,if you are right there making good choices.

Attend Support Groups

Being able to talk with other people who understand what you are going through is one of the most powerful coping techniques. While it is great your partner is off drugs or alcohol, life is probably not rosy all the time; recovering from substance abuse will have its challenges that can increase the strain. There are meetings where you and your partner can attend and discuss your issues or meetings for friends and family who have a loved one in the recovery process. This may make you uncomfortable because the thought of expressing your feelings and being vulnerable can be scary but you will gain so much from it.

Be There and Be Okay With Not Knowing What to Say

We can sometimes feel discomfort talking with people about their problems ,especially if we have never experienced what they have—we may not know what to say or we cannot relate so we do not know what to do to help them. But, while you may not be able to give sage advice or impart deep wisdom, just being there for your partner and him having someone to talk to is tremendous and more of a help than you probably realize. Try to be as supportive as you can and be okay with not having all the answers or not being able to understand.

Remember to Take Care of Yourself Too

When we are tending to the issues of our loved ones, it is all too easy to neglect ourselves. We think that our own issues are less important and we should fully devote ourselves to the care of the other person. We may feel guilty and selfish for feeling like we want time away from the person or for feeling angry at having to deal with his and her issues. That is all natural—no one wants to deal with these problems, it does not mean you do not love your partner. Remember not to neglect yourself—you have a right to good mental health and to tend to your needs as well. Ultimately, taking care of yourself too will help you take better care of your partner on this difficult journey.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who enjoys writing about relationships, personal development and how people can live a happier, healthier life. For more information on this topic, visit http://www.everydayhowto.net/health-and-wellbeing/how-to-date-a-recovering-addict/

Photo Credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/zigzaglens/

September 19, 2012 |  by  |  Relationships  |  Comments Off

3 Things We Can Learn from Failed Relationships

Comments Off

Naturally, we like to avoid the yucky stuff in life, like conflicts with friends, money troubles and relationship troubles.  These things do not make us feel good and we could happily live without experiencing them; but, it is the tough stuff in life that helps us grow and gives us wisdom. This is cliché for sure, but cliches are cliches for a reason—they are absolutely, 100 percent true. Failed relationships can bring us to our knees emotionally, and sometimes, literally and can be one of the hardest things to deal with, especially when they seem to occur frequently. But, within one of the most unpleasant experiences lies an opportunity to gain insight that will help you find a great relationship.

What Do I Need to Work on In Myself?

We know we are not perfect and that is okay; we should never strive to be as it is just not possible. But, this does not mean that we should not make any effort to work on ourselves at all; we all have our issues that stand in the way of living a happier, more productive life. Many of us could probably work on a few things that would make our love life flow a bit more smoothly. Examining your failed relationships can reveal these things to you if you are willing to do the uncomfortable work and admit to things you may have been denying about yourself. Maybe you are too critical? Too needy? Too unforgiving of the faults of others? Too possessive? Too trusting? Do you need to work on your self-esteem so you attract people that treat you better?

What Type of Life Do I Really Want?

We share our lives with our romantic partners in a way we do not with other people. Certain things need to be in sync for a successful union; certain things are non-negotiable or would just cause too much conflict if not in agreement. For example, if you have been shying away from people ready to jump into family life, are you just not ready or do you maybe not want to have children ever? Looking at what went wrong in past relationships can give you a very revealing picture of the type of life you want and the clearer you are on that, the less time you will waste on people who do not fit into this vision.

What Type of Person Do I Really Want?

Experiencing a lot of what you do not want is a good way of figuring out what you do. Now, it seems obvious that past relationship experience helps you figure out what type of person is best for you ,and it is, but we often do not examine this to the proper extent and we miss out on fully reaping the benefit of our past  experience. If you truly take time to look at yourself and look at the people of your failed relationships, you will get a much clearer picture of what type of person is a better match for you. You are not just looking to avoid ‘’jerks’’ or people with a certain type of job or who enjoy a certain type of hobby. Go deeper and you will find some amazing insights.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who particuarly enjoys writing about personal development, relationships and how people can live a better, happier life. If you are looking to get into the online dating scene, check out CupidsLibrary for  lots of great information, such as  how to pick a profile picture for a dating site.

September 14, 2012 |  by  |  Relationships  |  Comments Off